A Mentor

by Kristen Horton, California State University, San Bernardino, Palm Desert Campus

My life dramatically improved the day I "obtained" a mentor. I was on a semester break and was seriously contemplating changing my major. However, as a 29-year-old returning student, I was just one semester away from graduation and felt pressure to finish and start working. In my heart, I knew I was on the wrong path. I was confused and had many questions. Should I complete my degree for the sake of finishing or should I follow my instincts and change my major? I needed more than a break from college - I needed "divine intervention."

I was helping a sick woman in a restroom when my mentor walked in, slipped on some water, and fell and broke her tooth. I helped her up. After that night (and after she had her beautiful smile repaired) we began to meet for social lunches, and within a few weeks we determined that she would be my first "official" mentor. Although my mentor is more than 20 years my senior and at first meeting not someone I would think I had much in common with, she has become one of the most important people in my life. You may not be facing the same crossroad I was, but we can all use another caring person in our life.

A mentor can be many things: a role model, teacher, coach, friend, confidante, "cheerleader," and even personal counselor. Whatever form they take, mentors are people you can trust to give you the best advice they have to offer. The relationship can last for several years, but according to the website Mentor.org, the average mentor-mentee relationship lasts about nine months. Mentors can come to you when you least expect them, or you can actively seek one out. If you don’t have a mentor right now and don’t want to wait for "divine intervention" like I did, here are some tips for finding a mentor.

First, take a personal inventory. What do you want out of life - husband, 2.5 kids, and a dog? to be "rich"? to be happy? all of these? How much time are you willing to put into getting the life you want? How do you think a mentor can best help you achieve your goals? When you have answered these questions, you can begin your quest.

If you are a college student, your alumni association is a great place to start. Your career center can also be helpful. Your college counselor or academic adviser may also be able to recommend some local organizations you can contact, and of course the Internet is another excellent resource for finding professional organizations that are related to your major. With a mentor in your life, you will see the importance of having a person who wants nothing from you; a mentor merely wants to have a positive effect on your life. Your mentor is not your parent. He or she chooses to give you time; it is not required. This is perhaps the most important aspect of the mentor-mentee relationship: you seek this advice and, consequently, are more likely to listen to it.

My mentor is more than a friend. She is someone I trust to give me good, solid advice and point me in the right direction. She does not cater to my ego but instead she keeps me grounded and reminds me of the realities of life - in a positive way. She has no agenda, except to hope that one day I will continue her legacy and mentor someone myself. She is a person I can count on for guidance in most situations and will continue to be that person until we decide that our “mentorship” has fulfilled its goals. Then she will help me find another mentor, and she will find a new mentee.

It feels good to know that I have someone to call to bounce ideas off or call when I am faced with a difficult decision (and don’t want my parents’ advice). My mentor makes it easier to navigate the challenges that come my way. I no longer feel as though I’m walking blindly through life, picking up prickly roses. With her guidance, personal experiences, and knowledge and understanding of my goals, she provides a pair of gloves to handle the “thorns of life,” and I graciously accept them.

Note: Kristen’s mentor is her employer and friend, Patti Gribow.